Sunday, April 29, 2012

Why is lasting love seem so elusive?

The reason why finding lasting love proves to be such a challenge is that qualities that we seek in a partner are not always the qualities that lead to enduring intimacy.

There may be no such thing as a perfect partner but there is such a thing as an ideal partner. While we all seek out a specific set of qualities that is uuniquely meaningful to us, there are certain psychological charateristics that you and your partner should strive for to ensure you flame for each other gets stronger, more passionate and emotionally fulfilling, and you often only uncover these characteristics once you get to know someone

1. Maturity
This statement is not meant to echo the ever-advised mantra that maturity is important. Being “grown up” isn’t merely a matter of not acting like a kid anymore. It’s not about a boyfriend who remembers to take out the trash or a girlfriend who never runs late. These qualities are nice, but to truly grow up means making an active effort to recognize and resolve negative influences from our past. An ideal partner is thus willing to reflect on his or her history and is interested in understanding how old events inform current behaviors.

When people mature emotionally, they are less likely to re-enact or project past experiences onto their current relationships. They develop a strong sense of independence and autonomy, having differentiated from destructive influences from early in life. As they evolve within themselves, they are less likely to look for someone to compensate for shortcomings and weaknesses or to complete their incompleteness. Instead, they’re looking for someone to share life with as equals and to appreciate independently of themselves. Having broken ties to old identities and patterns, this person is much more available to a romantic partner and the new family that they create together. Naturally, becoming emotionally mature ourselves helps with this process and dramatically improves our chances of achieving a solid and rewarding relationship.

2. Openness
The ideal partner is open, undefended and willing to be vulnerable. No human being is perfect, so finding someone who is approachable and receptive to feedback can be a huge asset to a lasting union. When someone is free-thinking and open-minded, it enables them to be forthright in expressing feelings, thoughts, dreams and desires, which allows you to truly know them. Their openness is also an indication of their interest in personal development and often contributes to the development of the relationship. Like perfect people, perfect unions do not exist, so finding someone with whom you can talk about an area that you feel is lacking in your relationship and who is open to evolving is more than half the battle. Conversely, being willing to accept feedback from our partners and looking for that kernel of truth in what they say allows us to develop ourselves in a similar manner.

3. Honesty & Integrity
The ideal partner realizes the importance of honesty in a close relationship. Honesty builds trust between people. Dishonesty confuses the other person, betraying their vulnerability and shattering their sense of reality. Nothing has a more destructive impact on a close relationship between two people than dishonesty and deception. Even in painful situations such as infidelity, the blatant deception involved is often equally, if not more, hurtful than the unfaithful act itself. The ideal partner strives to live a life of integrity so that there are no discrepancies between words and actions. This goes for all levels of communication, both verbal and nonverbal. Being open and honest in our most intimate relationships means really knowing ourselves and our intentions. While this can prove difficult, it is an effort worth striving for.

4. Respect & Independence
Ideal partners value each others’ interests separate from their own. They feel congenial toward and supportive of each other’s overall goals in life. They are sensitive to the other’s wants, desires and feelings, and place them on an equal basis with their own. Ideal partners treat each other with respect and sensitivity. They do not try to control each other with threatening or manipulative behavior. They are respectful of their partner’s distinct personal boundaries, while at the same time remaining close physically and emotionally. Valuing and respecting our partners’ sovereign minds and not trying to change them allows us to really know them as a separate people. 

5. Empathy
The ideal partner perceives their mate on both an intellectual, observational level and an emotional, intuitive level. This person is able to both understand and empathize with his or her partner. When two people in a couple understand each other, they become aware of the commonalities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. When both partners are empathic, that is, capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for the other person’s wants, attitudes and values, each partner feels understood and validated. Developing our ability to be empathic helps us understand and attune to our partner.

6. Affection
The ideal partner is easily affectionate and responsive on many levels: physically, emotionally and verbally. He or she is personal, acknowledging and outwardly demonstrative of feelings of warmth and tenderness. This person should enjoy closeness in being sexual and feel uninhibited in giving and accepting affection and pleasure. Being open to both giving and receiving affection adds a poignant feeling to our lives.

7. Sense of Humor
The ideal partner has a sense of humor. A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. The ability to laugh at one’s self and at life’s foibles allows a person to maintain a proper perspective when dealing with sensitive issues that arise within the relationship. Couples who are playful and teasing often defuse potentially volatile situations with their humor. A good sense of humor definitely eases the tense moments in a relationship. Being able to laugh at ourselves makes life much easier. Plus, it is one of life’s greatest joys to be able to laugh with someone close to us.

Information sourced from eHarmony.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


Someday, we’ll forget the hurt, the reason we cried 
and who caused us pain. 
We will finally realize that the secert of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. 
After all, what matters is not the first, 
but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe 
and love all over again...

We are only tiny ‘beings’ in this big world
 where our vision and understanding is very limited. We do not have the full view like Allah does; 
He knows what has happened, what is happening and what is yet to come; He can see how everything fits together and what the ultimate result shall be. ONLY HE KNOWS!! ...
Allah please guide us to the right/ true path...amin ya rabb...

Friday, April 20, 2012

Be Happy Always & Make The Right Decision

You will know you made the right decision when you pick the hardest and most painful choice but your heart is at peace... Follow your heart with Allah guidance... Trust Allah in everything and you will be all right...

Be Happy Alaways, 

You have to let HIM/HER GO GO GO

Tunang/ Buah hati  mahupun sesiapa saja yang curang terutama Isteri dan Suami yg CURANG sama ada via FB, SMS, emel, Chatting, YM dan lain-lain.... Curang tetap curang. DOSA tetap DOSA. Insaflah dan bertaubatlah!!!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Put your heart in the hands of Allah

Put your heart in the hands of Allah. No matter how hard it is, what has happened in the past, or what you've been through, put your heart in the hands of Allah, so that one day insha'Allah He will put it in the hands of a man who He knows deserves it (Islamic Inspirational Quotes)

Jangan padamkan api cinta ini...

Jika ada cinta lain yang hadir dalam hidupku...
Janganlah Engkau padam api kecintaanku terhadapMu ya Allah. Malah ku pohon agar Engkau semarakkannya dengan kasihMu dan nurMu. Aku memerlukanMu pada setiap detik hidupku. Aku sentiasa berkehendak kepada cintaMu, rahmatMu dan petunjukMu.
Aku hanya dambakan setitis kebahagiaan laksana syurgaMu di dunia ini sehingga usiaku dihujung nyawa...
Perkenankan doa hambaMu yang hina ini...amin ya rabb...

Allah has a perfect plan, but we cannot understand his wisdom. We may look for results in this world, but Allah has plans for the hereafter, where we will live in eternity. Don't question Allah why things don't work the way we want them, Ask Allah to give you strength and knowledge to understand His plan, and to thank Him. Ask Him for guidance to paradise. Know that no prophet was given an easy task, and likewise, no prophet was not promised the fragrance of paradise in eternity. Trust Allah when you seek his help (Islamic Inspiration Quotes)

"It may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows (what is best for you) and you do not.” (The Glorious Qur'an 2:216)

Thank You, ALLAH, for giving life to me, and to my loved ones...and for giving love all around me from family and friends...and for letting me live another new day... every day...

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

God can heal your heart

Sometimes it is hard to go on with life because it all seems so blurry and so meaningless. It hurts to not enjoy what you loved the most, to always feel so empty inside, to forever be lonely even though you're surrounded by many who love you. Oh, how you wish people actually saw what was inside of you, how you wish they could read your mind and comfort your aching heart, but you feel all alone in this strange state of painful emotions and heartache.

It feels as though there is an actual void in your heart. One you never knew existed. The worst thing about this is that you cannot ever remember the last time you ever had a genuine smile and felt happy. Most often you break down in tears yet you don't know or understand why your tears flow uncontrollably.

This pain you're going through is so unbearable yet you choose to go through it alone because you do not wish to worry those you love. So, you struggle to fake your smile, to fake your laughter and to fake who you used to be. Often you seclude yourself so the need to "fake" anything does not rise. However, you really want this out of your system and would love someone to talk to, someone to lend you a shoulder to really cry on. Someone to give you a comforting hug and tell you its going to be alright. 

The reality is though, people look at you but they never see the pain you hide inside. You ask "Am I really good at faking or do people just ignore me? or Is there anyone who could ever see through my eyes and see the scars in my heart?" The answer is YES.

There is someone who sees your every pain, hears your silent cries, and works very hard to heal your heart. Its no other but the one who created you from dust and the one you shall return to. Allah ta'ala is closer to you than anyone, and He can help you through anything. You just have to completely trust His divine help and give your heart to him.

I know its hard to do that part because of feeling empty within, but know that help is only with Allah, so if it hurts too much, be close to Him, talk to him through your prayers, and let His divine words heal you. Also know that you're not alone in this state of depression and loneliness.

Don't be afraid to talk to someone you trust even if it means that person sees your weakness through the tears! Don't ever be scared of putting your feeling out there because concealing your pain only makes it worse. If all fails, keep a journal and write away all that pain. Trust me you're going to lose so many tears and will not be able to finish a page, but by the time you're done, you're going to feel a lot better in sha'Allah. And don't forget to always make dua (prayer) to Allah and ask Him to heal your heart!