UJIAN ALLAH

19 Feb 2011 (Sabtu): Hari memanjakan diri
Morning having brunch dengan Azee di Tok Janggut.
Nikmatnya makan nasi baryani for brunch...
Lepas tu tengahari pergi facial
Petang followed by manicure and pedicure
I feel so pampered.
Hilang segala stress.
Fadly good boy tinggal dgn daddy dia @ home

Malam
Jam 9.00pm jumpa kawan lama Eta dan family dia.
Daddy Fadly hantar dan pick me and fadly from Kch
Glad to see and spend time with Eta, mum and son Jeff.
Badan masa tu dah mula rasa tak sedap macam nak demam
Balik rumah, terus makan panadol dan rehat...
Badan makin panas
Mula rasa chest pain
Hidung pulak tersumbat
Bernafas ikut mulut

20 Feb 2011(Ahad) - Demam
Badan panas
Kepala berat
Dada masih sakit
Tapi dah boleh bernafas macam biasa kerana hidung dah tak tersumbat lagi
Makan panadol, makan ubat gastrik dan rehat
Tidur sepanjang hari
Lunch time: Valen datang hantar food. Tkasih adikku atas ingatan dan ambil berat.
Terus merehatkan diri...demam
My beloved Fadly main dgn daddy...good boy anak mummy sayang...
Malam tiba
Demam makin reda
Tapi dada masih sakit
Ya Allah permudahkan hambamu ini

21 Feb 2011 (Isnin) : Si Jantung Hati
Masih demam dan kepala terasa berat
Hantar sms pada Zue@My boss, cannot go to work but will try to attend 9am meeting
Plan to go to clinic after meeting and rest at home later
Hopefully will feel much better the next day.

8.30 am drive to work.
Park the car and still not sure going to meeting 1st or going to clinic
Namun Allah mengerakkan hati ke Klinik. Jumpa Dr Khaty. Cerita tentang demam and sakit dada.
Dia buat pemeriksaan dan suruh buat ECG.
Lepas buat ECG, wajah Dr Khaty berubah. She's not happy with the result.
"Pn Noorma, you have to go to hospital. I refer u to hospital", she said. dengan muka yg sangat serius.
" Dr, can i go to meeting first, i need to pass the meeting to someone else" I said. I feel guilty coz I am the one whi call the meeting and supposed to chair the meeting.
"NO..." said Dr Khaty.
At this time, Dr Z already at the clinic looking at my ECG reading.
"Dr Z...can i have 5mins, i want to go to the meeting. Everybody is waiting for me. I need someone to take over the meeting. Try calling Zue but no answer," I was pleading with Dr Z.
"NO Noorma!" " You have to go to hospital, let someone else handle the meeting for you!" she said with a very serious tone. I was hopeless.
I cried. I can sense something bad is happening to me. Ya Allah please help me.
I call my husband and explain to him.
Later, I was told they gonna send me to Heart Center, Sarawak Government Hospital, Kota Samarahan.
At that particular time, I know...it's a matter of the heart. Ya Allah please help me... I was praying over and over.


10.00 am : EMERGENCY ROOM... Ya Allah Please Help me...
I was driven to Heart Center with UNIMAS Ambulance accompany by Nurse Jaria. My hubby followed behind by car.
I know this center was officially open by PM on 15 Jan 2011. I read somewhere from newspaper that Prof Sim the Director of this center said about this Heart Center as "first class facilities with affordable price". I'll be in a good hand. I said to myself. I use to joke with my hubby, everytime i pass the junction to the center that someday i will be visiting; to see the place. Little that I know, i will not only visiting but check in as well.

When i was attend by doctors and nurses in the EMERGENCY room, i then realised how serious my situation is. They treated me just like 'life and death'. Ya Allah, what is happening to me... please help me Allah. Please give me.
strength.

After all the inspections, procedures ect. One doctor came to me and introduce himself.
"Noorma, My name is Dr Fong. I am Heart Specialist"
"Do you know what happen to you Noorma?"
"I'm having fever Dr, then my ECG reading is not good," I said.
"Yes..yes...you know, you have heart attack Noorma. Your blood shows. Positive"
Ya Allah....Ya Allah...my heart beating very fast, I feel chest pain a little.
"Are you smoking Noorma?"
"No..doctor"
"Is someone in your house smoking?"
" Yes, my husband "
" You are passive smoker then. He need to STOP. Look what happen to you"
" You'll need to tell him that Doctor"
" Yes I will... where is he...let ask him to STOP smoking now" he said.
Then Dr Fong went to talk to my hubby.
I was left alone to rest.
But my mind is not resting. I was thinking. I was sad.
Ya Allah please have mercy on me... Ya Allah please help me. Please forgive me...
Ya Allah...



12.30 pm @ Cardiac Care Unit (CCU Cubicle 2)
I was transfered to CCU from Emergency Room
I feel good as all doctors and nurses have been nice to me
No more communication for me
Handphone not allowed
I need to rest. I try to sleep but i can't.
I cried.
Sad and lonely.
I am all alone here. I miss my mum, my dad and my family.
I miss Fadly. I cannot see him as children under 12 yrs old cannot visit.
Ya Allah please look after him Ya Allah.
My dearest Fadly, mummy will miss u so much.
Be good boy ya sayang....Allah will look after you my dear.

Ya Allah...please have mercy on me...
I'm crying again.
I'm wondering what will happen to me
what will i do
Ya Allah please help me...
"Kak, crying is not good for your heart Kak" said one of the nurse.
"Yes i know, but i cannot help it" i said
"Just be thankful that you know early and next you can watch out your diet and your life style. Take things easy. Don't worry too much" she said.
'Thanks Dik"
Ya Allah padaMU kuberserah

21 to 23 Feb 2011 : Praying to Allah
Hari-hari di CCU
adalah hari-hari diriku berkhalawat dengan diriku sendiri
hanya Allah menjadi tempat kuberserah diri
kupohonkan keampunan, keredhaan dan keberkatan
moga usiaku dan kehidupanku ini membawa keberkatan kepada diriku dan memberi manfaat kepada orang lain di sekelilingku

Diluar jendela aku melihat pokok-pokok nan hijau
aku melihat langit nan biru serta awan putih berarak lalu
aku melihat kapal terbang melintas datang dan pergi
sesungguhnya aku redha dengan takdirMu ini Ya Allah
semoga musibah ini mendekatkan diriku yg hina ini kepadaMu Ya Allah
terlalu banyak nikmatMu padaku selama ini tidak terhitung
terutama nikmat NYAWA yg KAU berikan,
berdetik paling hampir dengan diriku
yang menjadi kunci nyawaku ini Ya Allah.
dan ianya didalam gengamanMu yang maha Pencipta

Kuhargai kehadiran rakan-rakan yang datang berziarah
juga doa yg dipanjatkan kepadaku daripada jauh dan dekat
hanya Allah jua yg membalas budi baik yang dicurahkan kepadaku
kepadaMu Ya Allah, kumohonkan keampunan, keredhaan, kesejahteraan dan kemuliaan kepada keluarga dan rakan-rakanku yang kusayangi
Lindungi dan peliharalah mereka dunia dan akhirat ...aminnnn Ya Allah yg maha penyayang

8.00 pm - Di bilik 413
Selepas maghrib, aku dipindahkan ke bilik 413 di tingkat 4
Terasa lebih selesa kerana dapat ke tandas sendiri
Berlainan dengan di CCU, semua urusan 'besar dan kecil' di atas tilam dengan bantuan nurse.
Walaupun malu tetapi itulah prosedurnya.
Hinggakan aku kena makan sirap 'mencairkan najis' agar tidak perlu 'meneran' dan jantung tidak perlu bekerja lebih.
Ya Allah baru kutahu peranan jantung yg selama ini aku 'take for granted'




24 Feb 2011 - Angiogram

Di luar bilik 413
Pokok-pokok nan hijau memberi kedamaian
Langit nan luas terbentang
burung-burung berterbangan
sungguh indahnya ciptaan Tuhan
Ya Allah kusyukuri nikmatMu
Terima kasih Allah kerana jantungku masih berdegup
Dadaku masih bernyawa

Dalam jam 3.00 petang
Aku bersedia untuk Angiogram
Aku dibawa ke Cardiac Intensive Laboratory
Prosedurnya memakan masa hampir 1 jam di bawah seliaan Dr Fong dan dibantu Dr Cathrine dan pasukan mereka
Masa prosedur itu berlangsung, tangan terasa sakit seolah-olah uratku putus
walaupun dibius tapi terasa seolah-olah saluran darahku mengembang menjadi lebuh raya
terasa cecair dipam mengalir melalui salurah darah perlahan-lahan melalui lengan dan seterusnya memenuhi jantung
Terasa sejuk dan terasa cecair memenuhi dadaku
Ketika itu aku hanya pasrah dan berserah kepada Allah
Temanku hanyalah ayat-ayat suci dan doa
Kasihanilah hambamu yang hina ini Ya Allah
Permudahkan Ya Allah
Ampuni diriku Ya Allah
Aku redha dengan takdirMu Ya Rahman Ya Rahim
Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan lancar
semuanya selamat dan aku diminta memakan ubat
dan mendapat rawatan susulan selepas ini.

25 Feb 2011 : Hidup ini indah kerana Allah

Dalam kesedihan Allah memberiku kekuatan
Dalam kesakitan Allah memberiku kesabaran
Dalam kepayahan Allah menunjukkan jalan
semuanya kerana Allah
Hidup ini menumpang teduh di bumi Allah
menghirup udara segar milik Allah
tiada apa yang menjadi milikku
melainkan semuanya milik Allah
Terima kasih Allah
Terima kasih Allah
atas segala limpah kurnia dan rahmatMu selama ini
Semoga sisa-sisa usia yang masih tinggal
dipermudahkan dengan amalan dan ibadat serta rezeki yang barakah

Itulah doaku sebelum melangkahkah kaki meninggalkan bilik 413
Pusat Rawatan Jantung, Hospital UMUM Sarawak, Kota Samarahan
pada petang Jumaat jam 5,30 petang meninggalkan pusat jantung
'the best Heart Center in the Region'
Bertuahnya rakyat Sarawak
Bertuahnya rakyat Kota Samarahan
Bertuahnya rakyat Malaysia...


Catatan Pengalaman
Noorma Mckelate Malaysia
28 Feb 2011
Kota Samarahan