Healing Your Heart

“You may have someone in your mind, someone in your heart, someone in your dreams, someone in your life, but I am your someone when you have no one" Allah[swt] reminds us by saying "O Prophet! Allah is sufficient for you and for the believers who follow you. [Qur'an:8:64]" So when you slip and fall, remind yourself of Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim, the One whose always there, just waiting for your Call (Inspirational Islamic quotes)

Suffering From Broken Heart

If you are suffering from broken heart syndrome give this a read. May Allah soothe ur bruised hearts and may his remembrance comfort you and May he (swt) bless you with someone who deserves a precious pearl like you ameen summa ameen.

Love is a powerful, compelling emotion. It can make you laugh and it can make you cry. It can lift you up to the clouds and it can hurl you into an abyss. One of the dilemmas Muslims face, especially Muslim sisters, is the situation in which they get to know a prospective spouse and for some reason it does not work out.

This article is not discussing the fiqh behind getting to know your prospective spouse, as it is common for a couple to have a few “halaal” meetings and still fall deeply in love. Rather, this article deals with how to get over someone and moving on after the falling in love stage. After you have decided that this person is the one for you and then due to circumstances - be it parents, finances, etc., the two of you cannot get married. Insha Allah this article will be a guide on how to get over that person and move on with your life.

Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

“Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

Step 3: Be proactive

Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

Step 4: Move on

In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

“If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.

source:http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html

How To Heal A Broken Heart

Step 1: Accept that the Relationship is Over

Healing a broken heart is a process and the first step of that process is accepting that the relationship is really over. Until you do this, you are essentially denying the reality of the situation. And you can’t truly move on with your life if you’re living in denial.

The reason it’s so tempting to live in denial is because we don’t want to admit to ourselves that the relationship is really over. The thought of losing the person we love and living our lives without them is too painful. Instead, we want to cling to the hope of being able to work things out and get back together. However, in most cases, this is simply not possible because you guys broke up for a reason. And if you think those reasons are not going to be there if you guys get back together then you are only fooling yourself.

Step 2: Remember Why It Ended

People will go to any length to avoid pain and yet it’s a well-known fact that losing the person you love is a very painful experience. So why would someone inflict this pain on both you and themselves if it’s human nature to avoid pain at all costs?

It’s because the pain of being in the relationship to them was far greater than the pain of losing the relationship. In other words, the relationship was no longer a source of joy and happiness for them. It was a source of frustration and disappointment and they felt unfulfilled. They were far more focused on the pain that being with you was causing them rather than the joy. This is what gave them the strength and courage to overcome the pain of losing you.

Well, if you want to get over your ex and move on with your life then you ought to do the same thing. Focus on all the bad things about the relationship. Concentrate on the things that made you unhappy. Recall the reasons why you broke up. This will give you a much more accurate and realistic picture of your relationship and remind you of why things ended. After a break up, it’s tempting to idealize our ex and act like the relationship was much better than it really was. If that was truly the case, then it wouldn’t be ending. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see it for what it really is.

Step 3: Heal Your Broken Heart by Grieving the Loss

You will certainly feel a variety of emotions after a break up, such as anger, loneliness, sadness, fear, jealousy, shame, humiliation, depression and despair. These feelings can also surface physically, like crying or feeling a pain in your chest as if your heart is breaking.

Not only are these “negative” emotions considered healthy, but they are also very important for you to feel in order to remain healthy. I know it may not seem like that right now because they’re making you miserable but allowing yourself time to grieve is an important part of healing a broken heart.

So give yourself the permission to feel all these emotions and work through them as they come up. Repressing your emotions and burying your feelings may make it easier to cope with a break up day to day, but it will only make the feelings worse when they do eventually come back up. Now don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to walk around wearing your heart on your sleeve all the time. It’s okay to sweep your feelings under the rug for a short period of time in order to get through the work day but be sure to revisit them frequently so that you can work through them and eventually let them go.

Step 4: Reflect on The Past

You will know when you’re ready to reflect on the situation logically. In the early weeks, even the thought of your ex may send you into fits of sobs. But as time moves along, you will find yourself naturally contemplating the entire situation with logic rather than emotion. At this point, you are ready to see things a lot more clearly, especially with the help of hindsight.

Now is the time to determine what you learned from the relationship. No matter how good or bad the relationship was, and no matter how it ended, you have surely learned some valuable life lessons. There are always gifts that come with any relationship. It might be some realization that you had about yourself, what you want or what you don’t want in your life. Think about how this relationship made you a stronger and better person. Assessing the good and bad and determining what you learned is absolutely essential in order to grow as a person and move on with your life.

The goal here is to turn your wounds into wisdom.

Remember, your wounds can make you bitter or your wounds can make you better.

The choice is yours.

Step 5: Heal Your Broken Heart By Learning to Love Yourself Fully

After a breakup, we often start scrutinizing every aspect of ourselves. Were you not pretty enough? Not funny enough? Not exciting enough? The truth is that you were “enough” in every aspect, but getting this through your head after a breakup is like fighting an uphill battle. That’s because we usually feel like we were somehow responsible for the break up. We like to think that if we had only been more ____, then they wouldn’t have left us.

All I can say to that is that nothing your ex ever said or did is entirely about you. It’s simply a reflection of who they are, where they’re at in their life and what they value. Even if your ex blames you for everything that happened in the relationship, remember that it’s only one side of the story. It takes two to tango and your ex is just another human being with their own imperfections and shortcomings. They have their own set of issues to deal with, as do you. So keep that in mind before putting all the blame on yourself.

Let go of your feelings of lack and realize that you are not any less worthy, whole and complete as a person just because things didn’t work out with this particular partner. Remember that they are just one person. I know they were probably the most important person but they are, after all, just one person. The fact is two may have simply not been a good match for one another. I know it may have felt like they were “the one” when you guys first met but your true compatibility can only reveal itself over time. Unfortunately, the beginning of a relationship is often not the best indicator of what being in a relationship with that person is really like.

Remember this the next time you blame yourself for what happened. Realize that there’s no way you could have foreseen any of these things in advance because a person’s true character is only revealed over time. Yes, I know it hurts to face the fact that what you had is not what you thought it was but what can you do now? Dust it off and move on. Don’t let one incompatible partner get you all down about yourself. There’s plenty of people out there that will love you and appreciate you for who you are. Acknowledge all your positive qualities and go out there and give people the gift of you!

If you’re feeling confused or frustrated about something that happened between you and your ex, click below to get my advice on how to heal a broken heart based on your situation

source:http://www.howdoyougetoverabreakup.com/how-to-heal-a-broken-heart/